


In the Heat of the Bush

by IDontWannaWrestle (Little_Baby_Bats)



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe, At least this one's intentionally bad, Crass humour, F/M, In case you couldn't translate what was happening, Now with added translation at the end, Oral Sex, Sorry I swore I'd never write again, badfic, cringeworthy aussie slang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 16:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15151517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Baby_Bats/pseuds/IDontWannaWrestle
Summary: A totally unauthorised, unwanted and unintelligible follow up to Frangipanidownunder's Up Shytt Creek.  Mulder and Scully find it can get really hot in the Aussie bush.  To have the slightest chance of understanding this, you really should read Up Shytt Creek, or at least be aware that the Shytt Creek universe is an AU set in Australia, where Mulder is a jackeroo and Scully is a medical doctor, who meet when Mulder needs medical attention.*** I've now added a translation at the end.***





	In the Heat of the Bush

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Up Shytt Creek](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13015689) by [Frangipanidownunder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frangipanidownunder/pseuds/Frangipanidownunder). 



> You can thank Franga again for the fact that I'm back with another story. Fortunately this one's really short. I've just let slip that I call Frangipanidownunder "Franga" behind her back. Franga (or Franger) is another slang term, but it's used with love. And should be used with sex. ;)

The shrill sound of a gazillion cicadas was briefly silenced by a ranga with attitude.

  
“Shut the fuck up you fucking fuckers or four days from now, no one will be able to stop me from being the one that will throw the switch and gas you out of this life for good, you sons of bitches!” Dr Dana Scully MD MBBS FRACGP FRACS FRCPA shouted.

  
Mulder’s voice was calming. “Pipe down, Scully. There’s no need to chuck a wobbly.”

  
“It’s hotter than a shearer’s armpit, Mulder. You wanna go down the bottle-o and grab some goon?”

  
“No wuccas, Scullz.” he agreed. “I’ll just change into my good thongs. I chucked a sickie for the arvo so we could go down to the billabong again for a root.

  
Scully loved how romantic he was, but was concerned that his wagging work as a jackeroo would land him on the dole queue if he was caught screwing his sheila down by the billabong, and she wasn’t prepared to have to fork out her hard earned cash to support a dole bludger. “What about Skinner?”

  
“Fuck no, Scully. I don’t want that old codger’s dong within cooee of your map of Tassie. I’m a sensitive new aged guy and all, but I’m old fashioned…”

  
Scully thought he was such a spunk when he was acting like a yobbo and couldn't resist shutting him up with a pash. “You can be such a dag, Mulder. No, my fanny is reserved for you and you only. I may’ve had a cockatoo in my time but there’s only one I want now”, she purred as she plunged her hand down the front of his trackie dacks to discover he wasn’t wearing any undies. “I was thinking he’d be spewing if he sprung you wagging. And you told me what a perve he is.”

  
Mulder instantly cracked a fat at her touch.

  
“Fuck, Mulder, this spoof rocket is ready for liftoff. Let me give you a gobby.”

  
Her lips closed around his ample stiffie, and before long his hot spoof shot into her mouth and she guzzled it down quickly, like a koala guzzling down water provided by a compassionate firey during a bushfire.

  
Mulder was grinning like a shot fox, but his eyes were heavy and in the stifling heat of the bush he was clearly spent from just playing a passive role in the intense activity. “You still want me to nick out for some piss, Scully?” he asked, stretching out his long limbs. “At the moment I’m too buggered to be fucked.” It was hardly a complaint, he was clearly in awe of her talents.

  
“Bite your bum, Mulder. I’m still as dry as a dead dingo’s donger.” she whinged, before deciding to appeal to his inner yobbo. “I’d go but my little legs can’t reach the pedals in your ute.“

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who needs a translation: Basically, it’s a really hot day in the outback. the cicadas are at plane takeoff noise levels (those fuckers are loud) and Scully could use a cool drink. Cask wine is her preference. Mulder’s decided to take the afternoon off so they can make sweet love down at the waterhole. Scully’s worried that he’ll be in trouble from his boss, Skinner, and be fired for ditching work for romantic purposes when he’s told his boss he’s sick. There’s a clichéd misunderstanding when Mulder thinks Scully wants Skinner to join them and Scully uses her mouth to shut him up because she loves him. She then uses her mouth a little further ‘downunder’ and Mulder is then too spent to be bothered going to the liquor store as promised. Scully gives him a "shut up Mulder" and takes advantage of his inner outdated male attitude with a remark about not being able to drive his pick up truck. If you need translation of specific words or phrases, try http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html


End file.
